


Home...

by BookWorm61



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-11 22:39:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7910326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookWorm61/pseuds/BookWorm61
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan would never - could never - forget the memories he had with his members even after all these years because he knew his world revolves around them just like their's revolve around him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Basketball Game

Home. According to the dictionary, a home is a place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or a household but to Lu Han it was much more than just that. So much more.

*~*~*~*~*

“Look out!”

Something hard hit his back, effectively breaking him out of his conflicted daze. He looked up just in time to see a boy in a hurry running towards him, his face a mixture of both horror and surprise.

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to hit you,” he apologized frantically, eyes avoiding his gaze. He kept glancing back to his friends, who by now had already gathered in the corner of the court and staring at the both of them. He picked up the orange ball and slowly dribbled it before passing it to the surprised boy.

“Don’t focus on the force, find the right angle and you’re all good.” He gave the boy a small smile before walking away. As he walked pass the archway, he noticed the boy trying to score a point. As if heeding his advice, instead of putting all his force on the ball, he searched for the right angle. The ball went flying straight into the net. The satisfied smile on the boy’s face made him smile too. Shaking his head, he resumed walking and left his mind to wander again.

*~*~*~*~*

He dribbled the ball closer to the semicircle, trying to find a place to shoot as the other team tried their best to block him. He saw his chance when one of them surge forward in an attempt to steal the ball. Instead, he side-stepped him and let the ball fly out of his hand. A definite cheer broke out as the ball went into the net, earning yet another point for his team.

“Lu Han, that was awesome!” Minseok exclaimed, bounding to the doe-eyed boy with his arm out for a hug. The younger just chuckled as he was crushed into a hug.”How come you could be this good?”

“Yeah, Lu Han. How come you never told us you were this good?” Baekhyun asked in between his heavy panting. The others soon joined in and congratulated on his team’s win. Lu Han could only shrug in response. "Were you a basketball god before you incarnated?"

A hearty laugh left his mouth. "No, Baekhyun. I guess I just have the passion and practice."

"Aww... Isn't there another way for me to suddenly be a pro in this game?" Baekhyun pouted, dribbling the ball in front of him.

Jongdae came up from behind Baekhyun and quickly stole the ball away, crackling at the frozen boy. "Try making sure the ball doesn't get stolen might be the first step."

Everyone held their laughter when a red-faced Baekhyun went running after the troll. "KIM JONGDAE!"

It was never a dull moment with them and Lu Han was happy to have met them. Letting out an amused laugh, he pitched into the game and stole the ball away from Jongdae, unofficially resuming the game. They spent the rest of the evening with each other, laughter ringing in the evening air.


	2. Coffee Break

The street was filled with rushing people, all bumping into each other in a hurry. Lu Han was just sitting in a small cafe, enjoying the view of the bustling city and soaking in the familiarity it gave him. It has been too long, he thought to himself as he took a sip of his latte.

After his walk near the basketball court, he thought it was a good idea to rest for a while before continuing his walk down memory lane. He still had a lot to go before his final plan commences, more memories to turn over after so long.

After downing the last of his drink, he paid at the cashier and started his way out, passing two new customers just entering. The door closed and one of the two new arrivals paused in his step. Abruptly, he ran for the door and scanned the premise, eyes searching widely for something in particular.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?”

The older just shook his head, his entire posture dropped. “Nothing, I thought I saw something.” With a last scan, he joined his companion back into the warmth of the cafe, missing the pair of eyes staring sadly at him from the crowd.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before melting into the crowd.

*~*~*~*~*

“Lu Han hyung, I’m bored!”

Lu Han turned around in his seat to face his dongsaengs with an amused smile. He was in the studio with the vocal lines, preparing for their comeback in a few weeks time. Well, they were until a few minutes ago.

Baekhyun was already on the floor, inhuman sound leaving his small mouth, Kyungsoo was fiddling with his phone and ignoring the moaning boy, Junmyeon was lying almost lifelessly on the couch, too tired to order them to get back to practicing while Jongdae was staring at the mirror, his eyes drooping slightly.

Lu Han couldn’t help but let out a chuckle escape his lips seeing the state of his members right now. He knew they were all tired with their tight schedule. He glanced at the clock hung on the wall and stood up, stretching. All eyes were on him as he made his way to the door, pausing at the door.

“Well?” he inquired to the confused boys. “Minseok still have another half an hour before his barista class ends. If we’re fast enough, we might be able to catch him for some free coffee.” It didn’t take long before all five of them rushed out of the studio and on their way to the coffee shop across the street.

As soon as they entered, they were greeted by the warm aroma of freshly-made coffee and pastries.

“Lu Han? Junmyeon?” All head turned to the man behind the counter, his eyes furrowed at them. “What are you guys doing here?”

The vocal lines shared a glance before DO

Kyungsoo stepped forward.

“Minseok hyung?”

“Yeah?”

You know we really adore you, right?”

Minseok's eyes narrowed into slits when everything clicked in his mind. His eyes soon found his deer friend and, if it was possible, his eyes narrowed even more.

“I told you not to tell them.” Lu Han at least had the decency to look away sheepishly. With a sigh, Minseok motioned them to take a seat in front of him and they spent the rest of the time there, enjoying the hot beverage.

“Thank you, hyung!” Baekhyun chirped happily, a 180 degree turn from the mood he was in a few minutes ago.

A smirk crept onto the older’s face, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Oh, don’t thank me, thank Lu Han because he’s going to be paying.” A groan left the said boy’s mouth but he didn’t mind. He was just happy to see his little brothers smiling again.

“Fine, the treats are on me.”


	3. The Rock

He took a seat at the relatively empty bus stop, a few schoolgirls and aunts the only ones around. He pulled his cap lower as he sent fleeting glance at the group of teenagers a few feet from him. After the accident back at the cafe, he was merely being cautious. It wasn’t time yet, he made himself believe.

“I heard they are still having some trouble after the disaster last year.”

“Again? Can’t they have a break or something?”

“I’m just surprised they haven’t called quit.”

Lu Han’s ears perked up at the conversation, knowing exactly who they were talking about. He squirmed in his seat, itching to hear what the group of girls had to say without being too obvious. Instead, he leaned back against the wall behind him, feigning sleep.

“I still hate them for doing this to my babies,” one girl pouted as she huffed out a thin cloud of air into the cold air. “They were so happy together before, what changed?”

Lu Han’s eyes glazed over as he mulled over her words.

What did changed?

“Oh how I wished I was a fan before they left, then maybe I could’ve got the chance to know more about them,” the second girl sighed, sending a stab to his heart. “Do you think they will ever come back together again?”

Another girl shrugged her shoulders. “Who knows? Even if they did, I doubt their company would be too happy about it.”

Nope, he’ll just get chewed by the ear.

Soon the bus appeared and the girls stood to leave but he stayed put. He felt a bit disconnected after hearing the conversation. He felt even worse than before. He knew the feeling of getting left behind but he did the same thing to his fans and especially to his brothers.

Brothers....

*~*~*~*~*

Everyone was quiet as they entered their hotel rooms. After they finished their filming of Happy Camp, everyone seemed exhausted, both physically and mentally. Lu Han laid still on his bed as he thought back to the show. The last video shown about their true feeling was more than just heartbreaking. It showed their raw emotion towards each other, towards the group.

He stood up from his bed and quietly sneaked out of the room, careful not to wake Jongdae up. He walked down the hallway until he stopped in front of the door. He knocked twice, not wanting to disturb them too much in case they were asleep. A few seconds later, the door opened to a tear-stricken Junmyeon.

All day, Junmyeon had been the one to calm everyone else, the one to lift their mood, even if it was just for a little bit. He made sure they were never late and kept them on their toes but at the same time, he was carrying a burden that seemed to multiply after the incident. He had to be the rock that supported his members, their shoulder to cry on when things get difficult but they forgot that Suho, Exo's guardian, was still a human being. He still had feelings and emotions. He was hurt just as much as all of them were.

Lu Han held his arms out and it didn’t take long before a sobbing leader was locked in his embrace, slowly leading him back in the room where a worried Kyungsoo was staring at the two of them. Both of them spent the night calming him to sleep.


	4. The Last Stand

Lu Han had just taken a step into the relatively empty bus when his phone rang. A quick glance at the ID and he made his way to the back of the public vehicle, away from any potential eavesdroppers. He took a deep breath before pressing the accept button.

He could get through this.

“Hello?”

“Lu ge...”

He could not get through this.

He unconsciously let a smile settle on his lips. It had been a while since they had kept in touch. Lu Han was busy with his activities in China while the other was occupied by his own hectic schedule.

Pulling the mask under his chin and directing his gaze out the window, he inquired, “It’s nice to hear from you again. What can I help you with?” There was a long pause, long enough for Lu Han to guess what might be running in the younger’s mind. “Yixing?”

The man on the other side of the line let out a sigh before he started cautiously. “It’s nothing, ge. I was just curious how you’ve been. Are you sleeping well? How’s your schedule? You’re not sick, right? You’re fine, right ge?”

A chuckle left his mouth. “I’m fine, Xing. If anything, I should be worried about you. How’s your back?”

“It’s sore sometimes but I’ll get through it.” They fell back into silence as neither of them knew what to say.

Since when had they become this awkward and distant before?

“Lu ge?”  
“Yeah?”

Yixing hesitated before continuing his talk. “Minseok hyung and Jongdae went on a coffee run just now and...” Yixing’s voice faltered but Lu Han already knew where this was going. “Minseok hyung thought he saw you when he entered the cafe. Pretty crazy, huh?”

Lu Han wanted to deny it. He wanted to shout, “No, he’s not crazy! He did see me!” Instead, he replied with a lame ‘yeah’.

“Lu ge.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, not trusting his voice to speak just yet. He knew if he did, he would either break down crying or blurt out the truth.

“Are you... are you here? Are you in Seoul?”

Lu Han knew the question was bound to pop out sooner or later but that didn’t mean he knew how to answer it. It was an even harder decision because Yixing was the one asking him. His little brother, his best friend, his partner in crime.

“Nope.” The lie easily slipped out of his mouth, his calm voice masking his real raging emotion. Oh, how he so badly want to break down that very moment. “Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Oh, okay. Bye, Lu ge. I miss you.” The line went dead and Lu Han swallowed the words he so desperately wanted to say back.

“I miss you too."

*~*~*~*~*

The place was quiet. It wouldn’t have been a problem if none of them were the crazy types before a show. Unfortunately, Lu Han had a really good idea for the change of atmosphere. He looked around, trying to find something, anything that could take his mind away. The silence was slowly killing him inside, knowing he was the cause of all this.

Suddenly, a bowl of soup noodles was pushed in front of him, making his head turned towards the brown-haired boy who was staring at him with a sad smile. All the other members were standing a few feet behind him, as if not daring to come any closer.

“You hadn’t eaten yet, so we thought you might be hungry. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to you later,” Kyungsoo said and it was hard not to catch the underlying tone in his voice. Heck, he saw right through his brave facade and he knew. He stared at the steaming bowl for a while but shook his head. He couldn’t stomach anything from them, knowing that they were still being nice to him, caring for him even after knowing what he was about to do to them. With a sigh, the younger took a seat and abruptly pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry.” The surrounding seemed to suddenly stopped as he continued talking, all eyes glued on the two. “I’m sorry we couldn’t have stayed together longer. I’m sorry you have to go. I’m sorry we couldn’t make you stay but I don’t want you to be sorry for leaving us because you’re not. We’ve been a family for 2 years now, so why stop now? We’re brothers even if crazy shit happens to us because that is who we are and nothing will change that. We’ll always support you just like how you will always support us.”

Tears pooled his doe eyes, obstructing his eyesight but nether less saw the rest nodding their heads. Soon, one by one, all of them came closer and joined the hug. Lu Han couldn’t stop himself as the first tear slid down his red cheeks.

Sehun, who was hugging his back whispered softly, his voice cracking a bit from crying, “Do you have to go?”

He couldn’t answer him. Instead he just tightens his grasp on them, not wanting to let go just yet. Not yet...


	5. Sweet Memories

“We are one! Annyeonghaseyo, EXO-imnida!”

The crowd’s roar sent a tingling feeling down his back, the jitters and butterflies still present inside of him. He let his eyes take in the thousands of silhouette cheering and chanting their name. This was it, he thought to himself. This was what they had been training for so long. The vocal lessons, the dance sessions, the language classes; it all led down to this very moment.

Lu Han turned to stare at his members, his brothers, and all of them were sporting the same look as he was. The happiness, the anxiousness, the anticipation; it was a mix of every emotion but they knew they were ready for this. They were ready to show the world what they’re made of.

“EXO, saranghaja!”

*~*~*~*~*

Backstage was in total chaos as people were running around shouting orders in multiple directions and making sure everything was ready. Well, almost everything.

“Kim Jongdae, give me back my pants!”

“Noona, Tao ruined my hair again.”

“I did not!”

“Duizhang, save me!”

“Oh no, you are not pulling me into this.”

Lu Han chuckled slightly at his member’s antics, trying not to move too much as the stylist did her work. Minseok was running around chasing Jongdae who had stolen his pants, Tao and Yixing were quarreling in front of a flustered noona and Yifan was doing his best not to get sucked into any of the problems, failing miserably when the noona pulled him to deal with the hair issue.

“Guys, I don’t think-“

“It was just a ruffle. It’s not like I messed it too much.”

“Can’t you two just-“

“Well, you did. What if I ruffle your hair and mess it up? You’d probably be flying off the roof.”

“Guys, seriously. Why can’t you-“

“You want to know what messy is?”

Soon, both Yixing and Tao were trying to attack each other’s hair, Yifan standing in the middle of them and trying to keep them apart.

A shrill scream had Lu Han turn to the other side of room, barely catching the sight of the oldest pouncing onto Jongdae, successfully pinning him to the ground.

“Jongdae, give me back my pants.”

“Never!”

“You’re wrinkling it!”

“Then get off me.”

Lu Han chuckled to himself as the stylist added the finishing touch on her work before going over to the threesome with a cross look on her face.

Nothing like a rowdy start to kick off the day, he mused.

*~*~*~*~*

“Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da  
Saeng il chuk ha ham nida  
Sarang ha neun Lu Han shi  
Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da.”

Lu Han opened one eye to see all his brothers surrounding him wearing party hats and funky glasses. Kyungsoo was standing at the edge of his bed, a small cake perched carefully in his hand.

“Happy birthday, Lu Han!” Jongin exclaimed but earned a few shush from his hyungs.

“Do you want the manager to hear us?” Baekhyun scolded him before turning to Lu Han with his puppy dog eyes. “Can you please wake up so that we can eat the cake?”

Lu Han chuckled at his brothers. His birthday had completely slipped out of his mind with their schedule getting busier and busier. He got up and sat crossed-leg on the edge of his bed and Kyungsoo passed the cake to him.

“Make a wish.”

He did and soon after the candles were blown, the cake was viciously attacked by the hungry pack until only the crumbs were left.

“Thanks, guys. I completely forgot my birthday.”

Yifan playfully rolled his eyes at him. “Of course you did.” That earned him a kick to his shin.

Sehun nudged Lu Han playfully. “Hey, that’s why we’re here. To actually remember to celebrate one of our birthdays every single year without fail.”

“Besides,” Tao added with a sly grin. “Mine is just around the corner.”

After that, they fall back into easy conversation until everyone passed out in Lu Han and Minseok’s hotel room.

*~*~*~*~*

“You’ve got ten minutes!” the stage handle shouted above the chaos of boys before disappearing in the sea of people outside the changing room. Of course, when you have 12 members having to change into their next outfit in a relatively small room in under ten minutes, it was bound to get interesting somehow.

“Shoes incoming!” Chanyeol shouted from the front of the pack and soon stuffs started flying everywhere.

“Hey, who threw that?”

“Baekhyun, you’re wearing mine!”

“Someone pass me my shirt.”

“Yah! You’re wearing it backwards.”

“Hey, who took my pants again? It’s not funny.”

“Ge, stop stepping on my feet!”

"Sorry!"

“Anyone saw my jacket?”

“Tao, I swear...”

“Move out of the way, coming through.”

“Lu Han, heads up!” Lu Han barely had the time to react as his shoes went flying towards him, almost hitting him in the eye.

“Thanks, whoever that was,” he called out, hastily putting them on and ran out the door.

“Two minutes!”

A few curses were heard as everyone stumbled around and finding their position, some were being followed by the stylists for last minute touch up. Lu Han chuckled with Baekhyun and Jongdae as they reminisced the flying clothes and stumbling bodies before the two was pulled to their position. It was show time.

*~*~*~*~*

“It’s okay,” Lu Han whispered into the sobbing boy’s ear, trying his best to calm him down. It was one in the morning and he didn’t want to wake anyone up, especially their counterpart group who were going to be on a plane back to Seoul first thing in the morning. “Just let it all out.”

“I’m sorry,” the boy chocked out, his sobbing still hadn’t died down. “It’s just I just remembered and then it happened so fast and I don’t- I didn’t know what to do and-“

“I know,” Lu Han cooed, still holding him and telling him he’s not leaving him anytime soon. “You just miss him.”

Lu Han knew that Yifan’s departure would hurt all the members but he knew it killed Tao. The man was someone he looked up to, a best friend, a big brother he never had. He knew how close both of them were and seeing him this broken was heart wrenching.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry of, Tao.”

He felt tears pooling in his eyes but he held it in for the sake of Tao. He needed a shoulder to lean on more than ever and he was willing to help. Anything for his little brother. Anything.

*~*~*~*~*

He stared at the signed piece of paper, his heart getting heavier and heavier. The man opposite him proceed to retrieve the paper, said a few words and left after a hasty handshake. Lu Han stopped the urge to chase after the man and ripped the paper in pieces just like how the news would shred their hearts into pieces.

‘I’m sorry,’ Lu Han thought as he let himself break down in the safety of his room. It was too late to back out now.

I’m sorry....

*~*~*~*~*

He basked in the atmosphere of the concert in, knowing this might as well be the last time he’d be performing on this very stage with the ones he had learned to love, to cherish with all his heart. He stared at his members, memorizing every little detail of them. Every little thing that made him love them more and more.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were playfully shoving each other on the main stage, Kyungsoo was doing some fan service with Jongin and Sehun by his side, Jongdae was belting out his high note, Junmyeon was trying to pull a certain panda with him to the middle stage and Minseok was heading towards Yixing and him, Yixing’s hand grasping tightly in his. Not wanting to miss out, Minseok draped an arm around his neck and the three of them went to join back with the group.

They had been doing this a lot during the whole concert. Yixing never leaving his side –except when they had to do their choreography- and Minseok running up to him now and again to join him into the fun. Sehun and Jongin had been sending a few worried glances one too many time and Lu Han was touched.

‘What did I do to deserve this love? Even when I broke their heart, I broke their promise; they still treat me like family.’

Sehun’s question from before rang in his mind as the concert came to a close. “Do you have to go?” Lu Han glanced at each member. All had a satisfied glint in their eyes and he noticed something else; sadness. It was nearing the end and they knew what was going to happen after this, something they had been dreading and trying to stall for as long as they could.

‘I’m sorry, Sehun. I’m sorry Exo. I’m sorry I had to leave and reopen old wounds. I’m sorry if I had disappointed all of you with my decision but maybe it’s for the best. For Exo and for myself. Thank you for a memorable life as an Exo member.”

Standing with the other members, Lu Han took his final bow in front of Exo’s fans.

*~*~*~*~*

He wasn’t sure how long he had stood there. It could’ve been seconds, minutes, hours; he wasn’t sure. He also wasn’t sure what he was doing here. It was probably his memories that subconsciously brought him here. Lu Han looked up at the building across the street again. Their old dorm.

Lu Han just stood there motionless as his inner battle continued to rage on. He shouldn’t be here but his heart was not cooperating very well with his brain, an usual recurrence he had since the phone call with Yixing. After staring up for so long, Lu Han turned to walk away with a heavy heart. He wasn’t ready.

“Lu Han?”

Lu Han froze mid step. He wasn’t ready.

“Lu Han hyung?”

He turned around, eyes widen slightly. Ten pairs of eyes were trained on him, looks of disbelief crystal clear. They were not expecting him there and he did not expect to meet them this way. It took a while before someone broke out of their trance. The youngest bound towards him, almost knocking him backwards. It didn’t take long before the others joined in as well.

“What took you so long to even visit us?” Jongin asked fiercely, tears falling down his cheeks. “We missed you so much!”

“We thought you might never visit us ever again,” Jongdae whined, burying his face in to the back of my shirt. “We thought we might never see you again.”

“And you lied to me!” Yixing exploded cutely somewhere in front of him. He caught a glimpse of black hair and a hand trying to pinch his side. “How could you lie to me like that? You’re my gege, you’re suppose to set a good example.”

Lu Han couldn’t hold it in anymore. Screw his brain.

Lu Han pulled as much of his brothers into his arm, relieving the dull ache of missing them for so long. “I’m sorry,” he managed to say. “I promised I’d see you guys in the future, didn’t I? Besides, I called in every chance I got.”

“Hearing your voice and seeing you in person are two different things, Lu hyung,” Chanyeol mumbled into his shirt from his right. “And Yixing hyung was right, that was uncalled for, lying about you being here.”

“Oh!” Baekhyun suddenly interrupted. “We also promised to do this when you finally visited us again.”

Instantly, ten hands smacked the back of his head.

“Hey!”

Minseok ignored his friend and quickly pulled his head into a headlock, ruffling his hair. “Never leave me alone with these idiots ever again.” A sad smile perched on his lips. “I thought I’d never get to see you again.”

“You did, didn’t you?”

“For a millisecond and then you disappeared like you teleported or turned invisible or something!”

Lu Han pouted but couldn’t stop the chuckle escaping his lips. He missed this. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry.”

Lu Han snapped his eyes to their leader who was staring him with mixed emotion. He was the only one who hadn’t join in with the hug but he could he was itching to with the way his body was shaking ever so slightly.

“Just stop.”

Junmyeon was probably the one he was most worried about when he first left, knowing he was bound to over think these situations unnecessarily and break under the pressure. He had one too many nights listening to his problems with Minseok to know he’d be doing the same for his situation.

“Junmyeon shi.” Suho looked up with glassy eyes and Lu Han sent him a reassuring smile, the same ones that usually calmed him down in situations like this. He opened his arms and the leader broke down in it just like old times. The others soon joined in, enveloping the two of them in a death-like grip.

“It’s good to see you again, even if it’s for a while.”

He returned his smile. Glancing at the other members around him, he had never felt more complete. “It’s good to be back.”

If you were to ask Lu Han what home was to him, he’d say home was wherever his brothers were. Even if they were on two opposite sides of the world, he would still come back to them because they were a family. Not by blood but by the bond they had created over the years they had spent together, the ups and downs they went through together. They were still incomplete but they will wait because that was what family do.

So, Lu Han’s definition of home is his brothers, the ones who never gave up on him. The ones who will always be there for him and who he will always be there for them. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
